I'm not one of those tall thin men who likes show tunes
I'm not that twee
Carousel is
Les Mis as well is
Living hell for me

'Cause I'm not one of those tall thin men who likes show tunes
On the West End stage
Ute Lemper
Puts me in a temper
So does Elaine flaming Paige

I would rather go clubbing
Than sit through Phantom or Cats
They're so sad
I get mad
And never ever wanna
Listen to Madonna
Singing Don't Cry For Me, Argentina
Give me Get Into The Groove
Some house or garage
A banging barage of mixing to make-a me move

'Cause I'm the type of a tall thin man who likes no tunes
When I get on one
And in a coma
Oklahoma
Is still too bloody long
I would pay a fine
Not to stand in line
Just to see Miss Saigon