My girlfriend left me for a seven foot Indian
My grandma hung herself on a tree in the Caribbean
My sister´s on the dope and my brother always picks his nose
And Daddy´s only happy when he´s wearing Mama´s pantyhose, yeah
I just lost my job to a God damn robot (Good times!)
Then my dog got in the freeze box, he ate everything I got

But I´ve got my mule
He´s a very, very nice mule
He walks with me home from school
Cause he´s a very, very nice mule

When he was a baby my mother fed him gruel
But now he prefers to dine on his own stool
He always philosophizes with the rabbis after shul
Cause he´s a very, very pious mule

When he sees a picture of a carrot he has a tendency to druel
On Halloween he tries to scare me by dressing up as a ghoul
He once challenged someone who stole my hat to a duel
Cause he´s a very, very Old school mule

A needle-nosed plier is his favorite tool
He lifeguards on a volunteer basis and the Rec. Center pool
When I break down on the side of the road he shows up with unleaded fuel
He´s a devoted fan of Ms. Paula Abdul

And also approves of the recent makeover of former folkie Jewel
(coughing)
When I told him Halle Berry´s husband cheated he just shook his head and said to himself ´what a fool´
Cause he´s a very, very monogamous mule

(snoring) Porkchop! Wake up, man, the session´s not over!

After several well-publicized arrests for public urination he now drinks exclusively O´Doul
And every year he puts on a presentation at the Boys Club to show kids smoking isn´t cool
His favorite Elvis song is ´Don´t be Cruel´, no it´s ´Hound Dog´
I was just kidding you