I slowly open up one eye
Feel a pounding in my head
My mouth tastes like i ate my socks
Lord i think i must be dead
There's something lying next to me
Its got a hairy ugly face
I saw her in a movie once
The thing from outer space

I see little creepy crawlers
In the corners of my eye
When i try to look at them
They flap their little wings and fly
I reach out for the nearest beer
It tastes as warm as pee
It's full of soggy old ciggy butts
But i only swallowed three

Chorus:
It was a crawling home puker
That made me this way
A crawling home puker
Now i've gotta pay
I ain’t no quitter
I’ll party till the end
But if i live through this one
I’ll never do it again

I fall down upon my knees
Put my arms around the stool
I whisper to my toilet bowl
Thanks for being so cool
My stomach feels like jello
My brains have turned to mush
My toilet's over flowing
I don't have the strength to flush

I got crusties on my eyeballs
And my teeth are growing hair
And i smell just like a beagle
When he's passing stinky air
I feel like death warmed over
And i think i've got the runs
Then someone cracks a beer and says
Hey, have a beer you old son of a gun

(repeat chorus)