I know it's getting late
And i know we had a date lucia
I hate to make you wait
Cause it would be so great to see ya
Tears fall from my eyes
And i must apologize lucia
I’ll have to stay at home
So i called you on the phone
Cause i'm stuck here on the throne
With diarrhea
I thought it was only gas
So i went and let one pass
Then i stood there in a trance
As i filled my brand new pants

My mother brought me soup
But it only made me poop lucia
I never should have ate
But it sounded like a great idea
You know it really hurts
When you got the hershey squirts lucia
There's no paper to be seen
So i used people magazine
And it makes me wanna scream
Diarrhea

I love you dear with all my heart
But i can't go out with liquid farts
I wouldn't have to break our date
If only i could constipate

I know you got the hots
But i really got the trots lucia
There's no need to scream and shout
Cause tomorrow we'll go out i guarantee ya
I know you need your man
So i came up with a plan lucia
I’ll take a cork and super glue
Pound it in there with my shoe
And then i’ll be all through
With diarrhea