Well the 2.48 was a minute too late,
and the planning permission refused on the gate.
or the crisis with whatever food this week.
Someone else won a million and blew it on shares,
and the adverts for stair-lifts which glide up the stairs,
and the bingo card inside is yours to keep.

For the little old lady it was love at first sight,
from the renegade butler who wore makeup at night
to the boy in the car, who was speeding by far.
It's just what they say, in the papers today.

Giant bees by the thousand are making a swarm,
and it's nobody's fault just the winter was warm,
and it's someone famous' secret out to see.
There's a three hour delay on the M25,
and a swimmer who's ninety who's barely alive,
and a vicar who says mass on ecstasy.

For the little old lady it was love at first sight,
from the renegade butler who wore makeup at night
to the boy in the car, who was speeding by far.
It's just what they say, in the papers today.

Glossy magazines with happy homes and healthy beans,
people's lives all stripped down to the core
Scandals, politicians and the faces on our screens,
designer suits and other suits of law.

They saw Elvis again on the ten O'clock news,
though the desk would have covered his new blue suede shoes.
Lord Lucan owns a pub just down the road.
There's a girl on page seven who's covered in tears,
says goodbye to her man for another eight years
and a boy of three just cracked a complex code.

For the little old lady it was love at first sight,
from the renegade butler who wore makeup at night
to the boy in the car, who was speeding by far.
It's just what they say, in the papers today.