Settle down!

She's got legs... like an airship,
She's got an arse.... like coal tip
She's got tits... just like hot air balloons... and I mean the Hindenburg!
She's the biggest girl, I'm gonna get there soon
Yeah, you know what I mean

She's got love when you want it, but she never lets go when you get it
You disappear inside, you're never seen again... lost forever!
She's the biggest girl, I'm gonna get there soon
Alright, here we go...

Should be some kind of guitar solo here...

Well I met her in a bar, she was propping up the wall
I don't think she was available, she was made of concrete stars
I met her in a bar, she was propping up the wall
In fact she was nailed to it
I gotta admit, babe... let's get down to it baby!

She had a brain like a sheep-dip, she got love like a cesspit on her mind
She was a big girl, she was big.
I mean she was big, she was fucking huge! Enormous!
Needed a sign overhead!
You could have sailed the Hindenburg through her legs and never even had landing permission!

One more!

Oh we sailed across the ocean you and me
I looked like a flea on the back of a sperm whale
Oh yeah, I was waving a match inside the Albert Hall!