Chorus

Cheap bourbon whiskey and pearl snaps are the two things
That stay the same so when the world starts spinnin’ and
Your head hurts there’s cheap bourbon whiskey and pearl snap shirts

The shade tree mechanic is a dinosaur
You can't cuss you can't smoke or spit on the floor
Don't hit on a woman 'cause she might sue
You can't buy beer in this state past two

Chorus

Buddha is legal but Jesus ain't
The saints are all sinners and the sinners are saints
It's not how you play it's the final score
They don't show M*A*S*H on the tube any more

Chorus

Lovers usually leave at the drop of a ring
And daddy doesn't smile when a mockingbird sings
The kids are in school but they're all packin' guns
The losers live forever and the good die young

Chorus

Well the stars are all fallin' out of the sky
The doors are all locked and the bottle is dry
So pass me a chew and I'll sing you a song
If there's a problem with that we can get it on

Chorus