I'm nearly 51 and think I've lost it, I had it just a month or two ago
It was there the last time it was wanted, but I just don't seem to have it anymore

(Ch) This is a problem and it's bothering me, I know the answer and it starts with a "V"

I don't know if I'm sad or if I'm happy, it was a regular nuisance at times
A guaranteed arouser, a bulge unsightly in my trousers
A real triumph of matter over mind


(Ch)

It would distract me when it was most awkward, intruding with the signals which it sends
On the street or on a train, in a meeting,in a plane
And even inconvenience this false friend

(Ch)

I didn't use it often when it was there, on the other hand I miss it now its gone
Perhaps I should have done more when I had it, so I thought I'd better warn you in this song

(Ch)

I always knew to use it or to lose it, but didn't really think that this meant me
There's a ready answer to this problem, but why do all solutions start with "V"?

(Ch)

Victory Vs and Valium, Valderma,Vosene, Vick, Virol, Venos - got them all at home
Can't continue to ignore it, I know there's nothing for it
I'll have to buy another Vodaphone


(Ch)