Sitting on the toilet staring at Elle Fanning
Wondering just what the fuck I want to be demanding
Contemplating standing but knowing it's too hard
My avatar in rock band looks like she's gotten Sars
I'm too scared to be bulimic so I hardly ever barf
Right here yes I seem it, but my dome is up on Mars

Buddy better believe it nobody's really in charge
At the rate that I've been eating
please toss me an extra large
I need to do some push ups, I oughta pay my bills
I need a little chutzpah, I oughta take my pills
I want a Cuban sandwich, I got a lot of trash
I wanna freaking vanish, suitcase and a bus pass

4th grade was the highlight of my life and
Being alone is the only thing I like when
I realize the photo on my driver's license
Isn't really me, frightened
I've been sinking into this sofa bed

Too stoned to notice yet
That dude on Jeopardy he really knows his shit
But most of it's about some European tyrants
Exercise my thumb and put Trebek on silent
If you're on a first date and it's going real bad
If your life is wreck and you're feeling real sad

Come kick it with me, come kick it with me
If you're feeling like a chump
only got six bucks in your wallet
Never ballin can't get your dick sucked
Come kick it with me, come kick it with me
Wash the dishes, heavy on the soap
Cheerios dust on my cereal bowl
Leftover ham in a Costco roll
All this nonsense starting to take its toll

My plane is manifold the algebra beyond your scope
Spent an hour trying to figure out my Tv remote
Do I have a clue nope, consequently I'm dejected
If you ever thought I might make something of myself
you're incorrect
I need to find a boyfriend, I oughta take a bath
I need my body poisoned, you oughta do the math

I want a luftballoon, I got a charley horse
I wanna touch the moon, open the parlor doors
This Gossip Girl episode is really awesome
Chuck Bass is the man fuck Dawson
But often enough caught in a rut clocked in the butt
Coughing it up and I'm off in the cut
Your guts I'm mopping em up

If you're on a first date and it's going real bad
If your life is wreck and you're feeling real sad
Come kick it with me, come kick it with me
If you're feeling like a chump only got six bucks
In your wallet never ballin can't get your dick sucked
Come kick it with me, come kick it with me
If you wanna live large but you have no cash

Trying to be prom queen but you got no sash
Come kick it with me, come kick it with me
If you wish it was the days of Backstreet's Back
And you buy all your slacks at Nordstrom Rack
Come kick it with me, come kick it with me