[BETELGEUSE]
You could use a buddy
Don't you want a pal?
"Yes I do! Yes I do! "
Girl, the way I see it
Your daddy should be leavin'
And you should stick around

(spoken)
And kill him!

[LYDIA, spoken]
What?

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
Nothing

(sung)
So, Lydia, don't end yourself
Defend yourself
Daddy is the one you should maim
Together we'll exterminate, assassinate

[LYDIA]
No!

[BETELGEUSE]
The finer points can wait
But first you gotta say my name!

Go ahead and jump but that won't stop him
Here you got a solid plan B option
I can bring your daddy so much pain
All you gotta do is say my name

Girl, just say it three times in a row
And you won't believe how far I'll go
I'm on the bench, but Coach—
Just put me in the game
All you gotta do is say my name

[LYDIA, spoken]
I don't know your name

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
Well, I can't say it

[LYDIA, spoken]
How 'bout a game of charades?

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
Yes, let's play it!

[LYDIA, spoken]
Two words

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
Right

[LYDIA, spoken]
Second word?

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
Uh-huh

[LYDIA, spoken]
Drink?

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
No

[LYDIA, spoken]
Beverage?

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
No

[LYDIA, spoken]
Wine?

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
No!

[LYDIA, spoken]
Juice?

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
Yes!

[LYDIA, spoken]
Okay. First word

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
Okay

[LYDIA, spoken]
Bug?

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
No

[LYDIA, spoken]
Ant?

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
Close, but no

[LYDIA, spoken]
Beetle?

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
Yes!

[LYDIA, spoken]
Beetle-juice?

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
Wow, I'm impressed
And all you gotta do
Is say my name three times
Three times in a row
it must be spoken unbroken
Ready?

[LYDIA, spoken]
Yeah

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
Okay, go

[LYDIA, spoken]
Betelgeuse

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
Yess

[LYDIA, spoken]
Betelgeuse

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
Yess

[LYDIA, spoken]
Bee—

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
Oh! Oh! This is gonna be so good!

[LYDIA, spoken]
—cause!

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
What?

[LYDIA]
You're so smart
A stand-up bro
I'll think about your offer
Let you know
But I prefer my chances down below
Betelgeuse

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
Yes!

[LYDIA]
Betelgeuse

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
Yes!

[LYDIA]
Being young and female
Doesn't mean that I'm an easy mark
I've been swimmin' with piranhas
I don't need a shark
Yes, life sucks
But not that much
Ok, Betelgeuse
Betelgeuse
Be a doll and spare the lecture

[BETELGEUSE]
I'm offering you a full-time spectre

[LYDIA]
Are you any good?

[BETELGEUSE]
You bet'cha
Trust me, baby!

[LYDIA]
I just met ya
Really, it's a flattering offer

[BETELGEUSE]
Don't you wanna see Dad suffer?

[LYDIA]
I think I'd rather just jump off

[BETELGEUSE]
No!

[LYDIA]
I may be suicidal
But Betelgeuse, it's not as if I've lost my mind

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
So, playing hardball, huh? You are tougher than you look

[LYDIA, spoken]
Just wanna make sure I know who I'm working with
Got any references?

[BARBARA, spoken]
Lydia, there you are!

[ADAM, spoken]
Are you alright?

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
A-Dog, B-Town, my old pals!

[ADAM, spoken]
Get away from her!
Lydia, this is a dangerously unstable individual

[BETELGEUSE possesses BARBARA and ADAM.]

[BARBARA]
Betelgeuse is sexy!

[ADAM]
Betelgeuse is smart!

[BARBARA & ADAM]
BJ is a graduate of Juilliard!
He can help
We found him on Yelp
Our troubles all ended on the day that we befriended him
Every word is the truth
Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse!

[BARBARA, spoken]
What the heck was that?

[ADAM, spoken]
So violating!

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
There you go, kid. Couple of five-star reviews

[LYDIA, spoken]
What was that?

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
That was possession
Any ghost can do that in less than one lesson

[LYDIA, spoken]
Any ghost?

[BETELGEUSE, spoken]
Pretty much, any ghost'll do sure

[LYDIA, spoken]
Then, Betelgeuse... what do I need you for?

[BETELGEUSE]
Whoa, whoa
Whoa whoa whoa!
Hold up! Hold up, girl!
I'm your pal
They're sweet, but I'm a demon straight from Hell
I know, I went a little hard on the sell
But we're BF-F-F-F's forever!

[LYDIA pushes BETELGEUSE off of the roof of the house.]
Agh!

[ADAM & BARBARA, spoken]
Lydia!

[LYDIA, spoken]
What? He was already dead
And you heard what he said
Any ghost can do that possession stuff

(sung)
We don't need that demon
The three of us alone can wreck dad's evening
Together we can make a grown man weep
Guys, I got a dinner date to keep

[ADAM, spoken]
Okay, so what's the plan?

[LYDIA (ADAM & BARBARA) ]
Teach dad a lesson
He's gonna freak when we possess him
So he wants the perfect daughter
I'll lead that lamb to slaughter
Yeah, I got game!
I'm gonna make him say my name
(Make him say your name)
I'll make him say my name
(Make him say your name)
I'll make him say my name
(Make him say your name)
Not running away!
I'll make him say my name!