I've been swimming in a pool of goldfish
Pretending they're piranha
Sleeping with a girl named Katie
Pretending her name is Donna
Would you like to know what I'm doing
In my shack out in the woods
I can't tell you, but it's something feels so good

I'm choking the gopher, I'm slamming the ham
I'm pounding the rocket, flogging the dolphin
Oh yes I am!
I'm choking the gopher, chalking the cue
I'm spanking the monkey
And I'm thinking 'bout you

I've been working in a coal mine
Pretending I'm digging up diamonds
Hanging around bars and night clubs
Pretending I'm social climbing
Would you like to know what I'm doing
Til the wee hours of the night?
I can't tell you, but it's something feels so right

I'm choking the gopher, I'm slamming the ham
I'm pounding the rocket, flogging the dolphin
Oh yes I am!
I'm choking the gopher, chalking the cue
I'm spanking the monkey
And I'm thinking 'bout you

I'm juicing the mango, I'm flipping the switch,
I'm orbiting Venus and I don't need a penis
To be one sexed up bitch!
I'm gilding the lily, I'm taming the shrew,
I'm saucing the taco
And I'm not thinking 'bout you!

I'm smacking the cracker, I'm attacking Peru
I'm choking the gopher
And I'm thinking 'bout you