(Rod Stewart / Savigar, Cregan, Grainger)

Can I introduce myself
I'm a man of panache and wealth
Sound in mind, body, soul and health
Why I wanna kill my wife
I have the urge to take her life

Been planing for years to get rid of her
Not divorce I really do mean to kill her
She's so full of useless information and trivia
That's why I wanna kill my wife
I have a duty to take her life

Her stupid friends get right up my nose
They all wear annoyingly sensible clothes
They're all so bleeding grandiose,
You know why I should kill her friends
They're all driving Mercedes Benz.

He'll escape down into Mexico
Sell the house and find a nice young girl
He'll laugh and sing and he won't work anymore.

Should I string her up or strangle her in bed
Suffocate that little venomous head
Or perhaps I'll just whip her to death
Listen do me a favor kill my wife

Do it for mankind take her life
Or should I act quite cold and deliberate
Or maybe blow out her brains with a bullet
They'll think suicide they won't know who done it
I'm gonna kill my wife I'm really gonna take her life.

He'll escape down into Mexico
Sell the house and find a nice young girl
He'll laugh and sing and he won't work anymore

The moment of truth has come
I'm at the point of no return
I've got my hands locked round her throat
I'm about to kill my wife
Don't stop me now I'm gonna take her life

Too late now I'm gonna kill my wife
Can't help myself I'm gonna take her life

Telephone rang and he woke from his sleep
His wife snoring soundly next to him
It was all a very nasty dream