Unfortunately I am
My own dog, my own fur companion
My own old lady on a forum
Who types in glittery decorum

Unfortunately I take
Myself out walking every day
I hand my legs to the feet and
I give my head to the leash

Every other day I'm wondering
What's a human being gotta be like
What's a way to just be competent
These sweet instincts ruin my life

Every other day I'm wondering
Was it a mistake to try and define
What I'm certain's mad incompetence
These sweet instincts ruin my life

I can't smell well, or tell the time
Not k through 8, nor k-9
(For human, grossly underqualified
For canine, grossly overqualified)

I don't blend in at pet smart
That truth holds true at the Walmart
In either case they say to me
What the fuck is lost in aisle 3

Every other day I'm wondering
What's a human being gotta be like
What's a way to just be competent
These sweet instincts ruin my life

Every other day I'm wondering
Was it a mistake to try and define
What I'm certain's mad incompetence
These sweet instincts ruin my life

So just watch me, moving far away
Nobody even knows my name and
No one suspects that I'm not fine, and
Nobody outs behavioral frankenstein

Just look at victor in la
(Syd with the y; state you of a)
And all the majors at the labels
Rebooting soon as I am able

Every other day I'm wondering
What's a human being gotta be like
What's a way to just be competent
These sweet instincts ruin my life

Every other day I'm wondering
Was it a mistake to try and define
What I'm certain's mad incompetence
These sweet instincts ruin my life

Da, da, da, da, da, da, dadada
These sweet instincts ruin my life