Young Jim, as a lad He looked for adventure Calamity, danger, whatever was free So when he turned ten, he packed his belongings And he left home to find his destiny Jim just a boy, who's Head full of legends Of dungeons and dragons And pirates and stuff So that summer he snuck on a schooner To harpoon tuna And get real buff The Captain he said There's danger ahead We need some brave men To sail and then We'll find us those pirates Stop them with violence, To make the ocean safe Once again."
Ahem Now, the pirates the brave captain was looking for, were the fierce midget pirates of Willygoat. The deadliest in the seven seas, and although they were wee men, they had big swords and were known for gutting many and leaving few alive the captain knew they were headed towards the sandwich islands to pillage the giant ham farm. The captain knew what he must do, and this is his story.
(chorus) Cleaning up the oceans Captain Hampton and his crew Trouble in the seven seas He'll know what to do Captain, he hates rubbish To him pirates are just soot Scallywags and scurvy dogs Are crushed under his foot. Captain Hampton, Captain Hampton Ahoy, Ahoy Pillaging the Pillagers Triumphantly he'll sail away
Now, seven weeks into the trip And Jim was sick to death Of being sick Some kind of action he wanted As he searched the seas For everyday was the same old... stuff The night he felt like jumping ship But then he heard a crash Hit the starboard side of the ship And bumped him out of his bunk Onto his bottom Our heroes drew their swords As the midgets swarmed aboard The pirates surprise attack The tiny buccaneers Caught us by surprise As we tried to battle back.
It was horrible, they were everywhere, and unlike normal midgets who are usually bright and clever and fun to be around, these midget pirates with their beady little eyes, and sharp teeth bore down on us like fierce sharks, in a feeding frenzy of blood, slashing at us with their swords gutting our bellies, poking our bums clipping our knees. We knew not what to do, for the captain was nowhere to be found. WHERE WAS THE CAPTAIN. WHERE WAS THE CAPTAIN. WHERE WAS THE CAPTAIN.
(chorus) La la la la la la la, la la la la la la. La la la la la la la, la la la la la la. La la la la la la la, la la la la la la. La la la la la la la, la la la la la la.
Captain Hampton, Captain Hampton Ahoy Ahoy Pillaging the Pillagers Triumphantly he ran away!