Don't pick up Hitchhiker Joe
He'll slit your throat
And cut off your big toe, I tell you
He'll make you smile
From ear to ear
Gonna lock you in a trunk
For ninety-nine years
Don't do it now
Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom

I had a cousin who came from Vermont
Next thing I know, that cousin was gone
Truck driver saw him picking up Hitchhiker Joe
Now his spleen's on the sidewalk helping flowers grow

Don't pick up Hitchhiker Joe
He'll slit your throat
And cut off your big toe, I tell you
He'll make you smile
From ear to ear
Gonna lock you in a trunk
For ninety-nine years
Don't do it now
Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom

My best friend Eddie called from L.A.
Said we'd have dinner later that day
I've got a feeling, and it's more than a hunch
My poor friend Eddie was that hitchhiker's lunch

Don't pick up Hitchhiker Joe
He'll slit your throat
And cut off your big toe, I tell you
He'll make you smile
From ear to ear
Gonna lock you in a trunk
For ninety-nine years
Don't do it now
Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom

Hitchhiker Joe ain't no vegetarian
If you see him on the highway
Steer clear of him
He got a knife in his sock
And a razor up his sleeve
And a chainsaw in his pack
And he's gonna make you bleed, yeah, yeah
Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom

My girfriend Lois called from Talahassee
She picked up that dude at the Spam factory
That was the last time that I saw her smile
My best advice is don't eat Spam for a while

Don't pick up Hitchhiker Joe
He'll slit your throat
And cut off your big toe, I tell you
He'll make you smile
From ear to ear
Gonna lock you in a trunk
For ninety-nine years
Don't do it now
Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom

Don't pick up (Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom)
Hitchhiker Joe (Bom, bom, bom, bom)
He'll slit your throat (Bom, bom, bom, bom)
And cut off your big toe
He'll make you smile (Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom)
From ear to ear (Bom, bom, bom, bom)
Gonna lock you in a trunk (Bom, bom, bom, bom)
For ninety-nine years
Don't do it now
Don't pick up Hitchhiker Joe (Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom)
He'll slit your throat (Bom, bom, bom, bom)
And cut off your big toe (Bom, bom, bom, bom)
He'll make you smile (Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom)
From ear to ear (Bom, bom, bom, bom)
Gonna lock you in a trunk (Bom, bom, bom, bom)
For ninety-na-na-na-na-na-na-na now (Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom)
Do-ooh-ooh-n't (Bom, bom, bom, bom)
Pick up (Bom, bom, bom, bom)
Hitchhiker (Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom)
He got to cut off your big, your big, your big (Bom, bom, bom, bom)
He'll make you smile (Bom, bom, bom, bom)
From ear to ear (Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom)
Gonna lock you