My mouth was just as dry as the tampon dispenser
In the women's bathroom at the Oceanside bus station
A constipated woman barged in on me and said
"Eeek! A boy! Get out before I call Queer Nation!"
But the police did arrive
And they said, "What's with this guy?
He's been watching these women pee
Doin' a study like he's doctor Leakey
Just to learn about love"

But I want to learn about love
Yeah I want to learn about love
Yeah I want to learn about love
Can you show me today?

Well I walked into the adult bookstore
And my heart was beating louder than the drums at the tip of Zimbabwe
They never taught me nothin' 'bout this in Catholic School
They only said if I was bad, I would incur the wrath of Mr. Yahweh
But the bodies were uncurled
And they screamed and moaned and hurled
And the boys was dressed as girls
And the women got splashed with pearls
And they said it was love

But I want to learn about love
Yeah I want to learn about love
Yeah I want to learn about love
Can you show me today?

Well I cruised the red light zone
But I still felt all alone
And I turned a nasty trick
And I drank till I got sick
I'm sick, I'm so sick, I'm so sick

Well I watched Oprah the other day
There were some mothers on the show that decided to screw their daughters' boyfriends
The daughters were mad, and the boyfriends were glad
Because they got an education by burnin' the candle at both ends
Oprah's dress was canary yellow
And I think that she fancied that fellow
And the crotch in his corduroys bulged
And the truth it was soon divulged
When they taught us 'bout love

But I want to learn about love