I'm kinda desperate.
You might have sensed it
From the tone of my voice.
It's a disaster.
I got no answers.
I'm kinda left with no choice.

I'm doing lotsa nothings
Here with a lot of no ones,
Praying for the phone.
This solitude is creepy.
It really is unpretty,
A grown man alone.

We could meet for coffee,
Or go to the fair.
I don't even like to do those things,
But I'm gettin' kinda desperate here.
Just call me!

[chorus:]
Box 27605
Please leave a message while there's still time
Bold type print in the classified
Single white male seeks Mrs. Right.

I'm self-employed.
I'm not usually annoyed by any personality flaws.
I'm not a stalker. Excessive talker.
It doesn't really matter to me.
Whatever you're into, I'm into, that's cool.

We could meet for coffee,
Or stay at home and watch Cheers.
I don't even like to do those things,
But I'm gettin' kinda desperate here.
So call me!

[chorus]

I'm not getting any younger here.
Please call the number.
Anything you wanna do is fine with me.
Single white male seeks Mrs. Right.

Still, my box is empty,
And no one sent me any kind of reply.
I sit here waiting, never dating, masturbating.
Man, I hope I don't go blind.

We could meet for coffee,
Or go to the state fair.
I don't even like to do those things,
But I'm gettin' kinda desperate here.
Just call me!

[chorus 2x]

Call me!