Hot step moms and surrogate dads
It breaks my heart to see him so sad
Lying alone in his room with a frown on
Reruns show him what he's missing out on

If life could be, like he sees it on TV
He wouldn't have to hurt so bad
Hurts so bad `cause

It's too much drama, too much drama Dad and Mama
Traded back and forth til he turns 18
It's too much drama, the kid don't need no new step grandma
So he joins a family on the screen
Can't you see? Too many parents leave
Too many sets of parents leave a kid who can't believe
How they can think that he can take it
It's all he can do to fake it

Off for a weekend with real Dad but
The only thing real is how real bad he
Just wants his life to be black and white
Those people never fight

If he could Xerox a home from the talking picture box
He wouldn't have to hurt so bad

So he turns to TV for help and for guidance
A lot of his virtues he picked up from Linus
Fonzie taught him what it means to be cool
From Doogie he learned that he must go to school
Three's Company taught him that just acting gay
Could lower the actual rent he would pay
Cops showed beating your wife and your neighbor
Could immortalize you and your double wide trailer