The father who sired her handed her over
the crack-handed orchestra played
The bride and the groom stood shoulder-to-shoulder
as the ill-starred wedding was made

She lifted her veil as the groom gently kissed her
and all did appear to be well
But the limousine driver heard every harsh whisper
as they drove to the country hotel

In the Grand Hotel ballroom the guests were assembling
the champagne like tapwater flowed
The men wearing top hats, and fop coats and top coats
the women in bustles and bows
The bride抯 jealous sister sat alone in her place
and sneered as the couple came in
The maitre-de coughed and said 揚lease take your places,
the Banquet is about to begin?
The street doors burst open and an army of footman
swept in bearing salvers and trays
Fiddlers and clowns went from table to table
amid black smoke and cigarette haze
Noone saw the best man as he secretly winked
at the bride抯 jealous sister it seemed
And then cried out 揥aiter, Bring me more drink
and more Marilyn Monroe ice-cream?
When the wine had been poured and the tables were cleared
the toasts and the speeches began
The bride and groom cut the cake, everyone cheered!
then all eyes fell on the best man.
He climbed off his chair, and he licked his cracked lips
and declared in a voice cold and dry
揝he tricked and hijacked him, with guilt she trapped him
this day is a sham and a lie?
Her father leapt up with a curse and a roar
and slew the best man in the head
The groom cried 揃laggard!?and with a flash of his sword
his father-in-law fell down dead
The bride ran screaming in floods of bright tears
and collapsed at the foot of the stairs
Where her sister was waiting with scissors and shears
and hacked off every inch of her hair.

Up on the roof sat seven fat crows, the moon rose low in the west.
the groom was arrested still in his wedding clothes
And hanged in his pants and his vest
the bald-headed bride bought a ticket to Spain
And eloped with a wig-makers son
while her jealous mad sister, riven with shame
Became a nun!