SUSAN
Now it’s only me and you

HEIDI
With no one to tell us what to do

BOTH
What do we do?

HEIDI
We don’t have much time to dance in the spotlight
So I’m gonna treasure this Heidi and Susan duet

SUSAN
And now may be the only chance I get
Tonight to enjoy the pleasure of this invisible cigarette

Ssss

HEIDI
Ow.

SUSAN
Ssss, ssss

HEIDI
Ow!

BOTH
The secondary characters are singing a song
While the stars are snacking off-stage
It was their idea to bring us along
And now we’re hijacking this page
Of the script
We’re equipped
To steer the ship
‘Til this trippy skit ends
And by the end of this song, we’ll be best friends

SUSAN
I want to apologize for any weirdness

HEIDI
Me too
It can be really scary being the new kid

SUSAN
I bet

HEIDI
I’ll bet you bet

SUSAN
I do, I bet

HEIDI
And I also want to say that
After all we’ve been through
I’m so glad we’ve met

SUSAN
I feel the same way

BOTH
Baby
The secondary characters are calling the shots
While the guys are being stored in the wings
We’ve been left in charge of it all while the plot
Is unfolding like the Lord of the Rings
Trilogy
In a way
You and me
‘Til the very end
And like Frodo and Sam Wise
You’ll be my best friend
My best friend

HEIDI
Sing!

SUSAN
Ooo-da-hoy-oh-da-hoy-hey(or something like that)

BOTH
My best friend

HEIDI
Susan
And Heidi
Susan
And Heidi
Susan
Dream on
Dream on
Dream on…

(Jeff and Hunter walk in)

JEFF/ HUNTER
Woah
Woah
Hi/ Woah
Hi/ Woah
Hi/ Woah

HEIDI
I’m sorry…
I’m sorry…
I’m sorry.

JEFF
Hi… uh… what’s going on?

SUSAN
I don’t know… I was just standing here quietly and Heidi was like uh-uh-guh-uh-uh-uh
(or something like that).

HEIDI
Thanks, Susan.