I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane
with a rapid wolverine in my underwear
when suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat
popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes
I guessed is it Uncle Frank or Cousin Luis
is it Bob or Joe or Walter
Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Berny or Steve
I probably would of kept on guessing
but about that time we crashed into the truck
and as im laying bleeding there on the asphalt
finally I recognized the face of my Hibachie dealer
who takes off his prostetic lips and tells me

(chorus) Everything you know is wrong
black is white up is down and short is long
and everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter
Everything you know is wrong
just forget the words and sing along
all you need to understand is everything you know is wrong

I was walking to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams
when I accidentally stepped into an alternative dimension
and soon I was abducted by some aliens from space
who kinda looked like Jamie Barr
they sucked out my internal organs and took some polaroids
and said I was a darn good sport and as a way of saying thank you
they offered to transport me back to any point in history
that I would care to go
and so I had them send me back to last thursday night
so I could pay my phone bill on time
just then a floating disembodied head of Colonal Sanders started yelling

chorus

I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin
when I got a nasty paper cut
and well to make a long story short it got infected and I died
so now im up in heaven with St. Peter by the pearly gates
and its obvious he doesn't like the Nehru jacket im wearing
he tells me that they got a dress code
well he lets me into heaven anyway
but I get the room next to the noisy ice machine for all eternity
and everyday he runs by screaming

Everything you know is wrong
black is white up is down and short is long
and everything you used to think was so important doesn't really matter anymore
because the simple fact remains that
Everything you know is wrong just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is everything you know is wrong
(everything you know is wrong) Everything you know is wrong