Oi, oi, stop, come back, you

I was instrumental in creating the company
A founding father of the movement, some say
Had a hundred youngsters
under my guidance at any one time
Willing to learn, eager to please
And salaried with the implicit threat of instant dismissal
Oi, I'm warning you

All legal mind, hey
Meager scraps for tender prey
But everybody gotta learn sometime
and you learn that the hard way
In the bustling hive of activity known as my
as my holy global enterprise

We've created rules that you can't find in the book
A different type of prison for a brand-new type of crook

Hey, feed me, my mind is greedy, massage my ego
And read to me, slow stories from my youth
Just like the Beano, colonial overtones, I know, but so what
I like the plot and the way the colours pop from the page
Don't have to justify my rage
Being a hypocrite does not devalue
the merit of the accusations made
Everybody's got dirt on everybody else
in this day and age, mind
Come back you little bastard
Fucking lazy bugger [?]

I look good, dead good, too good, good for my age
But if I'm not on the receiving end
of never-ending compliments
My thinking implement is bound to be
in a constant state of discontent
And I'm hellbent on expanding
my heaven-sent empire, ethically
But not at my own expense, no
Peaking through the hole in the neighbour's fence
It all looks pretty good

Just don't look under the hood
The engine is completely caked in snake oil and old mud
I need something new to perk me up, because
If I'm not pumped up, I'm impotent
I'm dead wood, I'm dead wood
And we don't want a repeat of the same thing happening again
I want to be relevant, I don't want to be a dud

We've created rules that you can't find in the book
A different type of prison for a brand-new type of crook
Ever since the incident, my complete incompetence
Has been exposed to everyone and rendered me irrelevant

We've created rules that you can't find in the book
A different type of prison for a brand-new type of crook
Ever since the incident, my complete incompetence
Has been exposed to everyone and rendered me irrelevant

I'm irrelevant
I'm irrelevant
I'm irrelevant
I'm irrelevant
I'm irrelevant
I'm irrelevant
I'm irrelevant
I'm irrelevant
I'm irrelevant
(Ever since the incident, my complete incompetence)
I'm irrelevant
I'm irrelevant
(Has been exposed to everyone and rendered me irrelevant)
I'm irrelevant

I'm irrelevant
I'm irrelevant
I'm irrelevant
I'm irrelevant