Performed by Adam Sandler and Allen Covert

Richie: "So ya doin' good?"
Samantha: "Ya, I'm fine, how 'bout you?"
Richie: "How good could I be? I haven't seen you in three hours."
Samantha: "Ohhh, Richie. Hey Richie, my dad's down the hall, and he doesn't want me on the phone. So if I hang up on you, it's just because he's coming."
Richie: "Ok. So look, uh, do you wanna meet at the Spring Fling Dance thi..."
[She hangs up phone]

[Phone rings]
Richie: "Hello?"
Samantha: "Sorry, I thought he was coming."
Richie: "That's ok. So, about the dance. Do you wanna meet
Samantha: "Umm, well my brother gets the car on Friday nights."
Richie: "Well that's ok, I'll come by and get you. Lets say around..."
[She hangs up phone]
Richie: "Come on.."

[Phone rings]
Richie: "Hey."
Samantha: "Sorry. I guess he was just going to the bathroom."
Richie: "That's ok. Well look, uh.. what was I saying? Oh yeah, should I pick you up at like seven-thirty or maybe do you wanna go later when the dance is really kickin.."
[She hangs up the phone again]
Richie: "Give me a break..."

[Phone rings]
Richie: "Hello."
Samantha: "Sorry. It was just my dog."
Richie: "Hey, what's your dad's problem anyways!? Why can't we talk?"
Samantha: "He just thinks I'm on the phone too much. Oh my God, uh, I gotta go."
Richie: "Don't hang up!"
Samantha: "Richie, I can't talk!"
Richie: "No, I'm sick of this! Put your dad on the phone! I wanna talk to him."
Samantha: "It's not my dad."
Richie: "What? Well, who's there? Why can't you talk?"
Samantha: "Uh, just look Richie, someone is here."
Richie: "Who's there? Is it a guy!?"
Samantha: "Richie!"
Richie: "I knew it! I'll kill him! Put him on the phone!"
Samantha: "oh.. it's just.. hold on."

[Hands phone to guy]
Richie: "Hey man! What the hell are you doing there!? Samantha's my girl!
You'd better stay away from her or I'll make you wish you were never born!"
Buffoon: "Fuckin' shit!"
Richie: "Yeah, fuckin' shit is right buddy! Don't think I'm kidding around, man! I'm crazy! I'll smash your head in! I swear to God!"
Buffoon: "One time I saw my Grandmother in the shower. Her bush starts above her belly button."
Richie: "Yeah, well that's too bad! But I'm still gonna come over there and beat your face in!"
[Richie slams down phone]

Samantha: "What happened? Was he mad?"
Buffoon: "My neighbor's dog has a four inch clit!"