Brian:
Princeton!

Princeton:
Yeah.

Brian:
Listen, buddy, nobody’s seen ya for two weeks.
What’s up with that?

Princeton:
I went to work for a temp agency, and they
fired me for being too depressing on the phone.
I maxed out my cards, I’m two months behind
in rent, I totally messed up my personal life.
Oh, and Brian - I still haven’t found my purpose!

Brian:
All right. Get off your ass and stop worrying!
Everyone’s getting together to mess around the city today.

Princeton:
Have fun!

Brian:
When I say everyone, that includes you!

There is life outside your apartment.
I know it’s hard to conceive.
But there’s life outside your apartment.
And you’re only gonna see it if you leave.

There is cool shit to do,
But it can’t come to you,
And who knows, dude
You might even score!

There is life outside your apartment.
But you gotta open the door!

Princeton:
No, thanks, I’m staying in!

Brian:
Don’t tell me I gotta force you.

Princeton:
Sorry!

Brian:
All right, everyone! He’s resisting!

All but Princeton:
There is life outside...
There is life outside...
There is life outside...
There is life outside your apartment!
There’s a pigeon
Squashed on the street.

Christmas Eve:
Ew.

Brian:
There’s a girl passing by

Nicky:
No I think it’s a guy

All but Princeton:
And a homeless man
Who only wants to
Buy something to eat!

Sorry, can’t help you.

We could go to the zoo!

Trekkie Monster:
Pick up girls at NYU!

Brian:
We could sit in the park smoking pot!

Christmas Eve:
Or not.

All but Princeton:
There is life outside your apartment.

Princeton:
Well, I guess I’ll give it a shot.

All:
There is life outside your apartment.
I know -
There is life outside your apartment.

Voice #1:
I’m gonna jump!

All:
Don’t do it!

Voice #1:
Okay.

All:
There is cool shit to do
But it can’t come to you
So come on -

Voice #2:
Get out of the way asshole!

Princeton:
Fuck you!

All:
There is life outside your apartment.
Oh, you never know
What’s around the bend.
You could win the lotto
Or make a friend...

Guys:
Take her home to see your apartment!

Lucy:
Do you wanna feel special?
I can see that you do.
Well, I can make you feel
Special.
If you let me feel you.

Guys:
She’ll feel you!

Lucy:
Where’s your pad?

Princeton:
Not too far.

Guys:
We could call you a car.

Princeton:
We’ll be fine, thank you! See ya!
Christmas Eve:
Hope you don’t get gonorrhea!

All:
There is life outside your apartment.

Princeton/Lucy:
But now it’s time to go home.

All:
There is life outside your apartment.

Trekkie Monster:
Me going home now.

Princeton/Lucy:
It’s time to go home!

Trekkie Monster:
That’s where me gonna go!

Lucy:
I can make you feel special

Trekkie Monster:
That’s where me gonna go!

All:
There is life outside your apartment.

Trekkie Monster:
Me going home now,
That’s where me gonna go!

Princeton/Lucy:
But now it’s time to go home

Trekkie Monster:
For porn!