Shampoo holders
Can't contain this bottle
I'm head and shoulders
Like a bust of Aristotle
You see I know bout grease
Destroy dandruff with ease
Yet my actual expertise
Isn't head, shoulders, or knees

We're going for your toes
Crushing one of those
Is the intent
And we've gotten pretty close
We're going down the drain
To give you a flowing mane
A lovely scent
And a lot of pain

Let's get lo-real
You're not really worth it
That hair is an ordeal
It's called 'make ends meet' not 'split'
That my label says 'tear-free'
Might be an inaccuracy
But I don't owe people who pee
In showers an apology

We're going for your toes
Crushing one of those
Is the intent
And we've gotten pretty close
We're going down the drain
To give you a flowing mane
A lovely scent
And a lot of pain

I'm not that posh
I'm simple that's alright
Cause this off-brand body wash
Will make you scream its name all night
Don't you think this little
Piggy looks so brittle
One small hit and it'll
Go to the hospital

The bottle hops
Near the edge
And it drops
Off the ledge
Double flip
As it flies
Past the hip
Past the thighs
Hits the nail
On its head
Deafening wail
Skin turns red
Cheering fans
Jury's floored
Giving tens
Across the board

We're going for your toes
Crushing one of those
Is the intent
And we've gotten pretty close
We're going down the drain
To give you a flowing mane
A lovely scent
And a lot of pain