The future Mrs. Heaton
Won't need a Wonderbra
She'll be basking on a sun lounger
Smoking fat cigar

The future Mrs. Heaton
Won't trouble herself with bills
She won't need no alcohol
Or constant flow of pills

She'll be turning up at bingo
With her mates in flashy car
Losing at the slot machines
But eating caviar

I'll make sure that I'll love you
Like the star you actually are
Not like all those broken promises
Or this beaten-up old car

Or when your head's in your hands now
And your nose down on the bar
I'll be your White Russian king
And I'll rescue you like Tsar

The future Mr. Abbott
Won't have to go to bank
He'll lean right back, he'll drink a beer
And Mrs. Abbott thank

The future Mr. Abbott
Troubled, he'll be not
With all the kisses and all the loving
Mrs. Abbott's got

Our voices will fill the air
With conversation and good song
And rarely will we disagree
And never will we wrong

I'll make sure that I'll love you
Like the star you actually are
Not like all those broken promises
Or this beaten-up old car

Or when your head's in your hands now
And your nose down on the bar
I'll be your White Russian king
And I'll rescue you like Tsar

The future Mrs. Heaton
Won't go out in high heels
She'll go out in her stockinged feet
Exactly how she feels

I'll make sure that I'll love you
Like the star you actually are
Not like all those broken promises
Or this beaten-up old car

Or when your head's in your hands now
And your nose down on the bar
I'll be your White Russian king
And I'll rescue you like Tsar