One moonlight night in the bayou a silhouette The air was sweet and the fog was vi-o-let The gators were all drinking tea, in a dreamy pantsless glee I saw a suspendered man, a banjo holstered in his hands He had biggest red suspenders I ever did see, golly gee that's what I've seen He flicked the brim of his hat, and this is what he said to me
"Mister robut ah am The Suspender Man And dis banjo 'as shown me dah promised land Now ah play a song but in return, yoo put dat shiny coin right 'ere in mah urn And ah play yoo sumfin fine. Mah music gonna blow yo mind! "
So I flicked my coin into his pot, I gotta admit it twasn't a lot Two cents and then his fingers wriggled he plucked those strings and belched a giggle He tapped his foot, howled like a hound Igniting up the unholy sound
And I ain't never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never never, never, never, never, never, heard anything so great
Call the vendors Big Suspenders That's what everybody wants to wear They stretch to Nantucket Put them in a bucket And send them to the gnome trapped down the well (Tug 'em with thumbs is ideal) (While rollin' back on your heels) (Yeah)
He played the two cent show
And just like that he stopped playing My jaw dropped to the floor He cracked his neck and smiled at me And said
"Buddy, y'gotta pay for more! "
But by then a crowd had swarmed the swamp tossin' coin in after coin So he cleared his throat, and his fingers writhed and everyone shouted for Suspender Guy
Call the vendors Big Suspenders That's what grandma wants for her birthday They're bright red and awesome Even worn by opossums Nobody wants their pants to fall down (Ma and Pappy want 'em too) (Even the ghost of your Uncle Stu) (Yeah)
He played the two cent show
Fracture dat banjo!
All the children sing and dance Those banjo sounds instill a trance By 4 AM the press what hot Suspender Man on the front page spot Suspenders were in and spats were out The girls all suffered from fainting bouts The banjos flew off the shelves Sprouting wings with dreams of being played by Suspender Man
But in the middle of February the fog turned a crimson red The Suspender Man disappeared everyone was heels over head But we found his suspenders and that old banjo sittin' right there on his log
And though he's gone that's what he gets for selling his soul to the bog
Big Suspenders Put them in a blender Three bat teeth and a blackened gypsy eye Bring it to a boil Release your mortal coil Out pops a belt to wear for you and me Nobody wants their pants to fall down You could wear a dress and then... you'd have no need (The alligators had it right) (Wearing pants it sure does bite) (Yeah)