(Heaton/Rotheray)
This is the Awards for Industry and Free Enterprise
So let me sit you down and tell you how I won first prize
I took on your free enterprise and your pretty little shops
Walked in with empty bags and walked out with the lot

So I've come for my award, I've come for my award
I thought I'd come in person that's the least I can afford
Let hands be shook
Champagne poured
Sentence ignored
Yes. I've come for my award

This is the Awards for Industry and Free Enterprise
Anyone want a gold watch in a ladies' size?
There's a few more round the back
I stole them from your shop
We've got no more in silver, that's all that you'd got

So I've come for my award, I've come for my award
I thought I'd come in person that's the least I can afford
Let hands be shook
Champagne poured
Sentence ignored
Yes. I've come for my award

I chatted with your guards and winked at roving eye
A thousand hidden cameras were searching cross the sky
But they didn't see me pinch them from underneath their eyes

So I've come for my award, I've come for my award
I thought I'd come in person that's the least I can afford
Let hands be shook
Champagne poured
Sentence ignored
Yes. I've come for my award
Jesus was my greatest accomplice
Jesus was my greatest accomplice
Jesus was my greatest accomplice
Yes, I've come for my award

Hairdryer, overcoat, telly, dot-to-dot
Video, compact disc, there's nothing we forgot
Whilst I was busy smiling my father got the lot
I've come for my Award