Have you got Miss Fortune?
She's the daughter of rich parents,
All she does is cry.
One four-letter word is all she wants,
but you can't buy love,
So there's no supply.

Will you take young Master Charge?
The boy who's living well,
beyond his father's means.
See his mother kill herself with work,
To keep her dandy,
In the latest jeans.
(Happy families.)

Happy families is a kid's game.
Happy families is your main aim.
It starts out with a dealing in the middle of the night,
And ends up with a full house if you play your cards out right.
Mum says Dad is cheating,
You should see the grown-ups fight,
For...

Happy families,
The game that's sure to please.

Have you got young Master Race?
The bigot son who, like his dad,
is fueled with fear.
Not so much a son more of a stormtrooper,
To burn the books,
When Dad's not here.

Happy families is a kid's game.
Happy families is your main aim.
You start out with your first cub and you think that life's a song.
You'll end up with a wolfpack if you lay your cards out wrong.
Dad says Mom is cheating,
You can see the children long,
For...

Happy families,
The game that's sure to please.

Have you got Miss Carriage?,
She's the girl who wants a baby,
That she cannot find.
Strange, the ones who want to win the race are,
usually the ones,
Who fall behind.