The moment I turn twenty-three
I'll grab the gun my father gave to me
On my birthday when I turned seventeen
I'll lay a note right next to me that says
"Split the money that I have
evenly between my mom and my dad"
I'll speak so eloquently on what to do with each half
I'll tell Rebecca
"Buy a home down the road from Cypress Grove"
And I know, mother, you don't want me to go, but I must go
And I'll tell Mark to buy a car
Please know you're always in my heart
Even when my conscious self departs, you did your job
And to Chris, I hope you're smilin'
'Cause you kept the boy from dying
For almost a decade, man, fuck what my friends say
One twitch of the finger, fuck around, and I'm dead weight
Don't believe what the press say
I did this for me and no one else in the best way
To all of my friends, you know I wish you the best, and
When you say my name, say that shit with your chest, and
I think I should be clear, I don't wan'—

I don't wan' be here with people that
That I didn't know last year at fuckin' all
You don't wan' be here when I blow my top off
Girl, I don't wanna be here at all
at all, at all, at all, at all
I'll put the metal to skin
and I'll go off on a whim and say
That I don't wan' be here at fucking all

I wonder if tomorrow would've been better
In all honesty, it don't even matter at all
'Cause it bends, it breaks, it folds
And I'm here right now so just hear me out
Know I let you down, but I can't, no, I can't
I can't change anything, this trajectory
It was meant for me, it was meant to be
Don't let my mom see me before they bury me
'Cause the man in that coffin, shit, he's barely me
Plenty people gon' say they were there for me
They weren't there for me, they didn't care for me, so

I don't wan' be here with people that
That I didn't know last year at fuckin' all
You don't wan' be here when I blow my top off
Girl, I don't wanna be here at all
at all, at all, at all, at all
I'll put the metal to skin
and I'll go off on a whim and say
That I don't wan' be here at fucking all