This happens every weekend goddamnit!
It's friday night and all I wan't to do is relax
The week was so hard it almost made my knees crack
I'm trying to read on the couch in my sweats
'Till my cellphone vibrates and I get a text it says
"What's up dude this is chris come and meet us"
I said "nah man I'm just realizing with my feet up"
He said "dude, it's joe's birthday party
There's girl's here wetter than the mermaid barbie"

I thought to myself "geez, hum, think
I guess it's not a crime to only have one drink"
Even though it's kinda risky I got dressed quickly
Drove to the bar and ordered up a shot of whiskey
Then I got another shot of whiskey
Then I accidentally got like ten more shots of whiskey
Two martinis and a couple cold lagers
And finally a shot of goldschlager
How disgusting
Woke up the next morning on my carpet with
A turkey sandwich smashed in my armpit
I swear to God I was this close to crying it hurt
I needed water I was dying of thirst
I fucking screamed

I'm hungover, and I ain't gonna drink again
Until the night when I see my friends
Until the night where we do it again
Popped two advils, my head hurt like
I got punched by the greatest boxing
Champion from catskills
I turned off my cellphone, turned on the tv like
"Ahh I'm gonna take it easy"
For real though I'm staying in tonight
My brain is really sore, but all of the
Sudden I heard a banging on the door

It was my friend matt, and he was
With a couple cute bitches, and I was like
"Yes! I love cute bitches"
Come to the kitchen, lets have a couple light
Buds next thing you know my freaking
Living room's a night club
Boulevard beers with some xanax bars
We even shoveled snow with my amex card
Woke up the next morning on my couch
With the taste of makers mark in my mouth
I swear to God I was this close to crying it hurt
I needed water I was dying of thirst I fucking screamed

I'm hungover, and I ain't gonna drink again
Until the night when I see my friends, until the night where we do it again
I'm hungover, and I ain't gonna drink again
Until the night when I see my friends
Until the night where we do it again
Yo, I can't drink like I used to, either that or I don't choose too
But when I do dude I get so drunk that it looks
Like I'm talking to myself like a person with a bluetooth
And I be slurping on that deuce-deuce, never
Vodka and fruit juice, man none of that stuff
Just give me a tall boy of pbr I gave a whole can cpr like "breathe goddamnit! "
Check this, last week we partied so late that we went and got breakfast
Then I sent a text message to my ex-bitch telling her she looked like precious
Then I broke into her netflix!

I'm hungover, and I ain't gonna drink again
Until the night when I see my friends, until the night where we do it again
I'm hungover, and I ain't gonna drink again
Until the night when I see my friends, until the night where we do it again
Why does every single weekend gotta end up like this? Goddamnit!
I'm always like "I'm not gonna drink tonight, I'm gonna take it easy"
And next thing you know I'm at denny's eating something greasy
Mac lethal, seven, we out