My name is Link, y'all, I'm straight outta Hyrule
Been on the force of good since 1986, old school
I'm bringing you a laid back summertime jam

Hold on a minute, Link

Hey what's up, old man

I see that you're embarking on another epic quest
You're gonna use your ocarina to rescue the princess
But you need a magic weapon that'll never ever miss
It's dangerous to go alone, take this

Oh thanks old man that is really very nice
I can always count on you for help and friendly advice
Though I've never seen a sword
of quite that shape or size
Oh God, that's not a sword, it's your dick in disguise

Yes, I can't lie, I have painted my schween
Now grab your destiny, if you know what I mean
Wait a minute, Link
Don't leave the cave, where do you think you're going
This is a great chance to fondle scrotum that you're blowing

That was weird but whatever there is no time to lose
I gotta warp right now to Zelda in this chilled out groove
Wait this isn't Ganon's lair, I'm in Liberty City
This place looks just like Philadelphia, but even more shitty
I'm at the corner of Deadcop and Prostitute Junction
Something in my ocarina must gone a malfunctioned
I gotta fix it quickly, there is justice to do

Hold on a minute, Link

Old man, is that you?

This is a place you can't survive
with just your sword and your wits
It's dangerous to go alone, take this!

Well that's really kind of
Gah, that's your wrinkled dick again
Look, I know I wear a tunic, but I'm not into men

Don't be that way, bitch, let me introduce you
To my three best friends, Mr. Johnson and the juice crew
If you save the princess Zelda
well, you know you're gonna grab her
So why don't you try to come grab my inflatable poo-jabber

Oh my god

I gotta warp outta here, Princess Zelda awaits
I must defeat Ganondorf before it gets too late
Okay, now I really don't know where I am

Hold on a minute, Link

Goddamn it old man

You're in Raccoon City, it's a zombie abyss
It's dangerous to go alone, take

No! Fuck you! Fuck you!
I'm not giving you a
I'm not touching your w
Stop the chilled out groove!

Geez!
You come in here tellin' me you got a wee-wee weapon
It's not cool, I'm not gonna touch it, I'm not gonna s
No!

So is that a no on the handjob
Okay